Angelina Jolie on Vacation, Adopts Own Child
Angelina Jolie while vacationing in the poorest regions of Thailand still accessible by paparazzi, press, and camera wielding reporters. Spotted a beautiful white child in the arms of a poor dark skinned care-worker that she felt compelled to have as her own. She notified her publicist, who relayed the message to her own assistant, who contacted his manager, who when hearing of the adorable child cooed, and sent out a press release that his cabana boy e-mailed to a lawyer, who then faxed the papers for adoption to Angelina's Blackberry, which was in the pocket of her vacation planner.
As well as being a vacation from her hectic movie star life her visit here was part of Angelina's work as a goodwill ambassador to the United Nations High Commissioner. The honorary title is always given out to self righteous rich persons to accent their smugness. Other persons holding the title include Madonna, Bono, and Sally Struthers. Brad Pitt does not appear on the list, but is on a separate list created by straight men that love macho movies that feature Brad Pitt, but swear they are not gay.
Unbeknownst to Miss Jolie the child was actually her own. The care-worker holding the child was Guadalupe Morales-Feliciano, an undocumented worker from Columbia that works in the Angelina's house and has so for the past two years. Guadalupe had lost the camera loving couple and their entourage in the crowded market when Angelina spotted her across the street. Angelina immediately began to ask the stunned less than minimum wage earning woman about the child's parents. "Is this child an orphan? Do the parents live in squalor? I must save this child." the women dating one of Peoples sexiest men alive spewed. Guadalupe responded that the mother was a well off movie star that rarely sees the bastard child because she is always out of the country. Shocked, Jolie stated that just because the mother was well off did not make her an ideal parent and this child's needs were not being met. "You can't do that! You don't understand! This child is yours." The onion smelling immigrant shouted. "I thank you for seeing things my way. I would like to offer you a job also, in my home taking care of this child." the ample breasted star added.
Angelina's publicist, managers, assistants, photographer, stenographer, catering staff, hair stylist, food taster, stunt double, and lookalike that were traveling with her, dared not correct the big lipped star in her error. They all gushed that she was doing the right thing and that the other children she rarely sees will enjoy a new playmate. When asked about the mix-up Brad Pitt mumbled "Lips...lips...big soft lips...pillows...breast like pillows. Pussy! Pussy so good!" he was yanked away by the hand and Angelina scolded him about talking to the press.
Later at a press conference Miss Jolie stated that adopting the child proved rich people don't always make the best parents and can be just as negligent as poor ones. "It made me sad to think that this child was born to an unwed mother who we could not even get in contact with because she was so removed from reality. I am positive I did the right thing." Angelina stated as a small brown child was led onto the stage. Miss Jolie said this child had no parents and no one celebrated his birthday. She gave him a birthday gift of diamond encrusted Nike Air Jordans as Mr. Pitt lifted his shirt to expose a well maintained washboard-like stomach. The crowed cheered and cameras flashed as the couple donned over-sized sunglasses, stunning mink coats lined with panda fur, and left the press room. Outside the mega-stars entered a platinum plated, ruby studded, air cooled yak drawn carriage that took them back to their luxury suite in the poor nation. Later they dined on Kobe beef and monkey brains which they threw at the hotel walls because it was not cooked to their liking.
Alfred Hindsight Huxtible Celebrity reporter.
