Terrorist Want To Kill This Family
Grand Rapids, Michigan - Always handsome, always diligent, George W. Bush, once said, "Terrorist want to kill your family." Apparently, Mr. Bush and his administration have been correct all along as this was not just a sound clip intended to frighten Americans into believing in their war on terror. Al Queda, distracted from their main goal by the war in Iraq, really do want to kill your family as a new video released today proves. They have been killing Americans everyday in Iraq, but ultimately wish they could kill them here, in America, and more specifically Mitch Henderson's family in Grand Rapids, Michigan.
In a grainy video, the forty-fifth terrorist to be given the number two position since the war began, Mohamed "MoMo" Mohamed-Mohamed Smith, is seen declaring his hatred of the Henderson's and calling for an immediate Jihad on their five bedroom home in a planned community. "Allah is God," the audio starts, "and God has chosen to slaughter the trespassers on his lands until the day he may guide his peoples hands to crush the Henderson's." The video was a startling look into the world of the men whom know no happiness or have access to prime time television. "It is true, praise Allah," the latest number two goes on, "we want to kill you there, but we can't get there cause you're here. But if you leave Iraq we will come there, to kill your family, Mr. Henderson." Shocked, viewing the video for the first time on his sixty-five inch plasma television, which he recently purchased with his overstretched Best Buy credit card, Mitch couldn't understand the hatred towards him. "The Henderson's symbolize all that is wrong with the Zionist, Allah willing, and once my work visa approval is in, we will kill them." The newest number two then stood and produced a number two on a hand drawing of what was suppose to be a family portrait of the Henderson's.
The Henderson's are like most Americans, living the freedom all brown Islamic people despise. The Henderson's ability to purchase an over priced home, which consumes nearly sixty percent of the families one income in mortgage payments, soon to become more as their interest rates rise, makes a terrorists skin crawl. Mr. Henderson just opened another credit card account with his freedom adding another layer of debt, now standing at well over $90,000, something he says he knows will fuel more hatred from insurgents that cannot even apply for a car loan or know the luxury that ordering from the Crate and Barrel catalog provides. "I don't think the Jihadist can stomach that kind of freedom," says Mitch Henderson as he massaged his temples while looking over his mound of opened mail, mostly bills. As the families sole source of income, Mitch is managing well under the pressure, but sometimes wishes his wife, Shannon, would do more than make bead necklaces. Ironically, terrorists the world over love handmade jewelry and garner a high price at open air markets and bazaars.
It seems not only were republicans and vampire-humanoid daywalker Dick Cheney correct about the evil doers intentions, but no one could have guessed they had zeroed in on a target with horrific precision. Previously all warmongering politicians agreed terrorists networks of the world wished to kill all Americans, but this isn't the case. Our great leaders decided to thwart such a scenario by tossing out a bevy of young Americans for the Islamic extremist to murder in their backyard. The lure of slaughtering misguided misfortunates in their homeland quenches the blood lust, temporarily preventing them from purchasing plane tickets, obtaining passports and temporary visas, enduring security screening and background checks, going through customs, waiting periods, layovers, strip searches, cavity searches, and easily arriving on U.S. soil, to kill.
"It just goes to show you they really want to kill us. They hate freedom, more specifically, mine." said Mrs. Henderson as she loaded Martha Stewart patio set into her Ford Excursion. She didn't need the patio set as their old one was mostly new, but once she saw the Wal-Mart circular she had to have it. At the same time in Iraq six marines were killed, the exact amount the patio set seats. Coincidence? This reporter thinks otherwise.
Tony Mulroney, Bologna impresario to the stars and sometimes special correspondent
