Online Gaming champion arrested, thoroughly embarrassed.

Sacramento, California - Earlier this week police entered the home of Donna Tyson and confiscated a computer, Jergens lotion, and a crusted sock owned by her son David. The police were lead to the home as part of an online sting operation conducted by a special task force within the counties Child Predator Unit.

The thirty-five year old professional electronic sports competitor, David Tyson, had been chatting via instant messenger, lotion nearby, with a male detective for several days. He was soliciting the boy for deviant acts and making extensive grammatical errors, sexual in nature. The detective posed as a 13-year-old boy, chatted with David, whom in the gaming world is known as L33tSauz01, and wanted to meet for sex. Their conversations resulted in the district attorney filing for David's arrest. He was charged with soliciting sex online from a decoy posing as a 13-year-old, which is a felony.

Until now Dave Tyson was known as the number two man in the Cyberathlete Professional League (CPL), behind none other than Jonathan Wendel, screenname Fatal1ty. Self proclaimed "King Nerd" whom in addition to racking up over $500,000 in competition earnings says he has had sex with a real woman, more than once, an attractive woman. When police burst into Dave's home, owned by his mother, he was at a friends LAN party practicing for an upcoming competition. He heard the investigators were ransacking his basement apartment searching for evidence and he was overtaken with "fear and shock" say his friends.

"He was frantic," said Brian Coffey a fellow virgin and obese Trekkie. "He was scared shit-less because he knew it would be on the news, he used his old eMachine computer for chatting with underage boys," he added. Local news reporters filmed the computer being taken from the home. The eMachine featured a 133 megahertz processor with on board soundcard, 128 megabytes of RAM, and a paltry twenty gigabytes of storage space. Where investigators found large amounts of David's pictures, most depicted him naked or showing an erection through his authentic Jedi robe. The same picture he sent to the decoy with the tag, "istha force in you lol? I wan't 2 destroy ur brown death-star teehee".

Another loser, giving the name Tolk1enRulz, confirmed the embarrassment Dave felt, "Yeah, he is like number two in the gaming world and people will see that computer on TV and think he's pathetic," he said adjusting is bugle boy slacks back to their position above his waistline.

When asked for comment Dave stated, "My rig is really an Alienware Aroura ALX! Not that cream colored hunk of shit the police took!" He was then slammed to the ground and handcuffed. "It has an AMD Athlon 64 X2 6000 dual core processor and two Geforce 7900GTX graphics cards," he shouted, grass stuffed into his mouth. "2.5 terabytes of storage! Terabytes! Do you even know what that is?" With a knee pressed hard into his lower neck he stopped his cries. His thick glasses lay on the ground, broken, much like his dreams of beating his record for continuous gaming, which still stands at thirty-nine hours. A feat he achieved one weekend while his mother was out of town and his friend, an intern at a nearby hospital, let him borrow a bedpan.

As he was sentenced he pleaded with the judge and jury saying, "Please your honor, I want everyone to know. That was just a computer for messing around. My real computer costs, like, ten thousand dollars," he began to sob. "I would never have done this if I knew people would see that computer, it didn't even have a side cover or dual sink heat fins."

David was sentenced to a term of no less than five years, his mother when asked for comment stated, "It's good he finally moved out." His sock, however, was not returned.

John Faucette, contributing editor to the Klingon Federation Chronicle.