Dick Cheney Receives Suprise in White House Screening Room

Washington, DC-President George W. Bush once again revealed the “First Organ” to an unwitting guest at the White House screening room by performing the infamous “popcorn trick” on Vice President Dick B. Cheney during a private screening of uber-gay cowboy drama Brokeback Mountain.

To the unfamiliar, the “trick” involves cutting a hole in the bottom of the popcorn box and inserting one’s penis into the box. As the popcorn is removed, one’s member is exposed, and your victim/date gets a surprise.

Cheney stated, “I heard from Donald Rumsfeld that he had tried the same thing during a screening of My Best Friend's Wedding, so you could say I saw it coming, if you know what I mean.” Asked if he gave the President a so-called happy ending, Cheney said, “he is the President, after all. I felt obliged to do it for my country.” When pressed about the size, Cheney simply stated “fairly average, but this guy’s got no balls.”

White House projectionist James Tarry overheard the President asking Cheney if he wanted to see his weapon of mass destruction blast off. Stopped by the media as he entered Air Force One, President Bush commented, “he, he, I stuck my wiener through the popcorn box, and he touched it.”

Product engineer Brandon Brown, who is credited with inventing the popcorn trick during an unusually long dry streak during the late ‘70s, stated that “the most important element is to control your butter to popcorn ratio. Obviously, a certain amount of ‘fake butter’ is needed to ensure lubrication, but too much and the element of surprise could be ended by soggy popcorn. The key is to keep the hand reaching into the box.” There’s definitely a risk involved, but also potential reward. “Sure, I’ve been slapped a few times, but so has my penis,” Brown stated.

Michael Moore was said to be working on a documentary about the White House screening room tentatively titled “All the President’s Mens”. He describes the film as part gay porno, part political thriller, and all homo erotic. “I’m thinking of throwing myself into a three way with Karl Rove,” Moore stated.

Report submitted by Pete Sudo, SudoNews, Las Vegas Bureau.