Son of Sasquatch Captured on Manhattan Beach

Manhattan Beach, CA - What scientists believe to be the seed of Pacific Northwest enigma Sasquatch was found yesterday in a bright yellow, rio cut, Versace banana-hammock speedo meandering down Manhattan Beach early yesterday morning.

Alarmed beachgoers were shocked to see the hairy beast, which apparently was on vacation in the Los Angeles area. "It scared the hell out of me and my kids," stated Dennis Finney, "he ran by yelling 'nanu, nanu', made my kid drop a load in his pants."

Authorities surrounded the beast with firearms drawn, only to have slurs directed at the officers. The beast spoke perfect English, and was deemed the son of Sasquatch, for he stood only 5' 7", whereas Sasquatch is estimated to stand 7' 4". Los Angeles Police Department sniper Loyd Christmas stated, "He started into this crazy comedy routine, making silly references, doing some robot-clock thing with his arm. Starting talking about how he had a three way with Woopi Goldberg and Billy Chrystal once after some homeless benefit. Real crazy stuff."

The beast was captured after a poly-carbon, Teflon coated gore-tex net was catapulted onto the animal. The creature was thrown into an animal control van and taken into custody, where it was summarily shaven, only to shockingly reveal former cokehead, and comedian, Robin Williams under the blanket of mangy, matted hair.

Noted Zoologist H.M. Hammy Pennypacker stated that the relationship between the Sasquatch and Mr. Williams may not be so far fetched. In his early studies, Hammy found that while on a family vacation to Yellowstone National park in the fall of 1950, Robin's mother wondered off into the woods to escape her manic husband’s frantic babblings, and was indeed kidnapped by the elusive man-giant. She emerged from her woodland vacation impregnated and told no one of what went on. This was all revealed in the video will of Mr. Pennypacker shortly before he passed away of severe anal and intestinal damage received from a male silverback while living 3 months in a gorilla suit during mating season in a South American rain forest.

The removal of the hair, which was believed to have weighed in the hundreds of pounds, is being taken to a local sweatshop to be processed into wool coats for poor Alaskan children. The unidentified 11 year old Guatemalan manager of the shop stated, "I bet we can get 6-10 coats just off the back hair alone."

Police spokesperson Harry Dunn stated, "He didn’t even ask for an apology. Apparently this happens every time he goes to the beach. Usually he calls ahead to warn everyone."

Pete Sudo, Sudonews, West Coast Division, with contributions from noted world explorer Sir Francis Bartholomew Winston Randolph Rockefeller Raleigh Longbone, XIV.