Ben Affleck Spotted Leaving Risque Las Vegas Establishment

Las Vegas, NV – Flaming metro sexual and Los Angelean waste of space Ben Affleck, who commonly refers to himself as an actor (why he does, the editors of Sudonews and anyone who has seen his films have no idea), was caught in the wee hours Saturday night leaving a local Las Vegas Catholic church.

Affleck was wearing an embezzled 1970’s pizza-man porno style fake mustache (by Dolce and Gabanna) and a pair of overpriced nut-hugging jeans (by Testicle Embracers Denimwear) as he absconded from the rectory. Embarrassed, and trying to keep his pseudo bad-boy image, Affleck quickly stated,”I swear I’m heading to a strip club right after this.”

Affleck then begged this reporter not to print his appearance at the church, and even attempted to cover his PTLin’ (Praisin’ the Lord) by claiming that he’s researching a movie role. The role was reportedly as a blind Catholic priest/superhero that served at Pearl Harbor and was called upon to destroy a meteor barreling towards Earth by using Tim Robbin’s character in Shawshank Redemption to chisel into the middle of the meteor and plant a thermonuclear bomb. Matt Damon was reportedly attached to play the Robbin’s character, and Kevin Smith to direct.

While clearly a plausible Affleck movie (the editors of Sudonews are working on the screenplay as we speak), this reporter was steadfast in his questioning. Affleck relented, admitting the falsehood, and pleaded, “at least say it was a church of scientology or Kabala, my public relations people say those are acceptable Hollywood religions.”

When this reporter refused, Affleck broke down in angry tears, yelling “Print whatever the hell you want. I gotta go; I have a nail appointment in 20 minutes.”

Reported by Pete Sudo, Sudonews, Las Vegas Bureau.