Astronomer Discovers Stellar Hardbody

Renowned astrophysicist and Star Trek Fan Club charter member, Willem Von Bungtuft, discovered a previously undiscovered stellar hardbody Wednesday night while working late on a side project. After scanning the galaxy for nine straight hours with his high energy particle telescope, only taking a break to debate via online chat room whether the Klingon's or Ferengi had the better foreheads, he left to enjoy some well deserved relaxation time at T.G.I. McPoonigans, a popular adult entertainment establishment.

Willem entered the darkened strip club with the intention of seeing some "mini marshmallow sized nipples and maybe some sand dollar shaped aureolas," but he was taken aback when his star gazing eyes discovered the most glorious brown star he'd ever seen. He took a seat near the stage to focus his highly tuned optical instruments on the breathtaking body. Arched on all fours, Misty Kunt, wagged her perfectly pear shaped ass into the awaiting nose of Mr. Bungtuft, he saw the star with vivid detail now. Upon discovering her spectacular stellar body was the result of her strenuous workouts and methadone habit, Willem, leaping from his chair, went call some friends to share in his discovery. Unbeknownst to him, his choice of wearing sweatpants to the lab was most unfortunate, his erection, now stretching the soft flexible material, bumped the back of a patron's heads as he stood and turned to leave his chair. "Fucking douchbag rubbed his dick on my head," said an angry patron, keeping one fidgety hand in his pocket. "I didn't care what that nerdfuck discovered, because I made him see stars when I rammed his head into the side of my car." The man then closed his eyes and moaned softly, then went to his F150 to nap.

Rival Astrologer and 25 time Math League Champion, Harry Taintpatch PHD, claimed to have discovered this same stellar body two weeks ago and was going to challenge Willem's claims. "I was getting a pressed ham to my jewelers eye weeks ago from those huge knockers," he said wiping glitter and oily residue from his jewelers eye lens. "Willem always shows up after the fact and claims to be the first to discover things." Harry then re-affixed his lens and "got a closer look" as another fantastically tanned and toned body moved onto the stage.

Bruised form his skirmish with the burly man, now sleeping in his truck, Willem drove home and added that he saw a perfect full moon through his hazy blood crusted eye. "Right there on the highway!" he shouted. "In the passenger side window of a Chevy, was a hair covered full moon! What a night!"

Efforts to bed Misty Kunt were rejected on the grounds of this reporters skin color, but a private dance was well within reasonable boundaries.

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