Manager Fired Over Conditions At Walter Reed Starbucks

Store manager Jeff Bliechner, of the Starbucks located outside Walter Reed Hospital, was relieved of his duties after embarrassing news reports surfaced depicting the squalid conditions soldiers and family members visiting wounded soldiers at the nearby hospital faced when patronizing the coffee house.

An investigation carried out by Washington Post Style section columnist, Linton Montgomery, reveled allegations of lattes served with almost 90% foam, no low fat soy available, beverages served at 88 degrees and not the recommended 196 degrees, and one soldier, who chose not to be named, sitting for several hours in his own car reading a two day old Wall Street Journal purchased from the mismanaged store. "It's sickening to know he was there for hours soaking in days old information, writhing in laughter from a Dilbert cartoon featuring Catbert as head of the H.R. Department. For gods sake everyone knew the strip had moved onto another storyline about the new guy that's shaped like a water cooler!" said a Starbucks vice president, Steve Cahn, outraged by the lack of customer service. "The worst part is, when the manager was asked if he knew the man was absorbing outdated stock figures and festering in obsolete editorials he said 'I'm doing the best I can' like it was not his fault!"

Starbucks CEO Howard Shultz released a statement saying he endorsed the decision to remove Bleichner. "The care and welfare of coffee served to people stopping by after visiting our wounded men and women in uniform, and those who simply enjoy a good cup of coffee, demand the highest standard of excellence and commitment that we can muster as a corporation," Shultz wrote. "When this standard is not met, I will insist on swift and direct corrective action and, where appropriate, accountability up the chain of command." He then smiled revealing severely coffee stained teeth.

Jeff's attorney said the failures were due to Steve Cahn's recent budget cuts, which reduced their staff from 6 barristas to 2 leaving one the espresso steamer and blender unmanned. The article goes further to say Steve, a former Halliburton executive, took over as the district manager of the Walter Reed Starbucks and the surrounding 17 Starbucks and since that time the customer service and other problems started to surface.

Employees say that Jeff is just the fall guy for the Starbucks as he was really trying to turn things around, but was blocked by Steve's executive decisions motivated by his need to meet budget and receive a huge quarterly bonus. Steve immediately hired, Neyna Rose, the former manager who resigned to work as a cake decorator, to replace Jeff; she is to instigate change at the store. Best known for her bungling a sweet sixteen party of a prominent Starbucks corporate executive. Miss Rose ruined the festivities when she couldn't deliver the custom made cake on time and instead produced a fudgy the whale Carvel ice cream cake purchased at a nearby supermarket to disappointed guests.

Across the street caffeinated citizens were oblivious of the treatment of the soldiers, "Which Starbucks?" said one women. "The one right there across the street next to the Dunkin Donuts? Or the one In the Safeway in the shopping center nearby? Wait. There is one in the same shopping center, but not in the Safeway, which is next to the old Starbucks no one goes to anymore since they built that new Starbucks inside the McDonalds." She then drove off into rush hour traffic in her Chevy Tahoe featuring several yellow "support the troops" ribbon magnets.

Last week Starbucks took disciplinary action against several lower-level barrista's at the Walter Reed store, but officials have declined to publicly confirm any details of those actions.

In a constant state of denial, Al "Drink like fish" Hines, Sudonew's only American Indian reporter.