Boy Wonder Losing Patience With Ailing Batman

What started out as "just a cough" then progressed to a 24-hour flu, has now digressed to case of severe pneumonia with touch of the gout as caped crusader Batman called in sick again this week. Making this the third straight week of an unrelenting crime spree in Gotham city. Such a streak has not been seen since several years ago when billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne took a five week vacation, Batman said the coincidence was merely "odd". The crime-fighter's lifepartner, trusted sidekick, and boy wonder, was beginning to show signs of frustration with his mentor said Police Commissioner Gordon in a telephone interview. "He is really not doing so well, I heard that Two-face de-pants Robin the last time he saw him and the Joker slapped his belly pink," said Gordon. "Sad really, kid gets no respect." Allegations that the Riddler made a witty poem about Robins mother's vagina being used by many unsavory men was not confirmed nor denied.

When reached for comment, the overburdened wonderboy, now seeming to be in his mid to late thirties and far to old to still be claiming boy, Robin, said he didn't feel anyone gave him the respect he deserves. "I been busting my balls helping Batman," he stated. "Gordon calls and immediately asks for Batman, then sighs when I tell him he is still sick...and then he says, 'Well I guess you will have to do." Robin changed his tone to sound like a sniveling brat when imitating the Commissioner, showing his disgust.

Robin also complained Batman keeps all his important files, gadgets, cockrings and nipple clamps locked away in his secret locker, which is accessed through the Bat-computer by a password only the Dark Knight himself knows. "The reason all those people died during a private fund raiser last week is because the antidote for the Joker's laughing gas nerve agent is stored on Batman's fucking computer!" Robing said shifting his position in the sidecar of the Bat-bike, which was being driven by Batman via a remote control unit in his Bat-recovery room. "Whatever, if he wants to keep his shit all locked up then fine. I just do my job and that's it." When I asked why Batman would keep such vital things locked away Robin responded, "Because if I had all that stuff then I wouldn't need him. It just makes him feel important or something. He's got no other options really, I can always get another job, but he is stuck doing this. Its his job security I guess." There was a noise from the Bat-bike's intercom and it sped away, controlled by Batman somewhere, possibly annoyed with the questioning.

Batman is expected to break his fever later this week and civilians in Gotham are eagerly awaiting his return.

Clark Kent, Daily Planet a Sudonews sponsor.