Loosing Ground For Nomination McCain Tries New Tactic

On board the opulent Straight Talk bus, feisty Senator John Sidney McCain III, sitting on his nickle-plated Beday, is organizing a plan to shift his ranking among fellow Republican candidates, each vying for their parties nomination in the 2008 presidential elections. Steadily losing ground to a Rudy Giuliani, who appeared on television several times, between visits to his mistress, when terrorists attacked his city, still holds a commanding lead for the position.

The men converse with terse faces as McCain fidgeted his socked feet on the marbled floors of the state of the art bus bound for middle America. "It's unheard of in this day and age John!" said one soon to be fired intern. Giving the man an evil eye that would give Lucifer the green-apple splatters, McCain fired back, "I don't give a flying fuck what you say," he stood, pants at his ankles, pointing his meaty finger in the intern's face. "It's gonna happen! Just like me breaking my motherfucking foot off, in your fudgepacking ass!" A dwarf then entered the room offering an Egyptian cotton washcloth, which the Senator used to wipe is posterior, then placing the towel on the dwarf's head, he left.

After surgeons reattached the senators left foot he held a press conference to state his plan for gaining new supporters and reinvigorating old ones. "As I stand here today," he said. "I realize that my popularity is deteriorating and I must do something to become the revered former tortured, sympathy inspiring hero, and Senator, I was years ago." McCain became choked up at this point, glancing at the life-sized cardboard cut out of his family on the stage, he bit his lower lip and continued, "As of next week I will be returning to a tiger cage in Hoa Lo Prison." Some gasps were heard from the crew of forty Fox News reporters and the two others from some less reputable news organizations.


John's previous stay in the prison resulted from his plane crash near Truc Bach Lake, Vietnam in 1963. The crash left him with broken arms and his leg fractured, he was then beaten before being taken to the prison or what hardened non-combat veterans like, George W. Bush, call the "Hanoi Hilton." One crushed shoulder and a bayonet to the groin later, he was in the cage he now plans to visit again. "If need be, I will put a potato sack of rabid mice over my head to win this fucker." Declared the former prisoner of war, adjusting his suit fashioned from several American flags recovered from ground zero.

After the press conference John boarded a cargo plane for Vietnam and said after several months in the cage he will place it, him still inside, atop his Straight Talk bus, where he will give speeches. "People love a war hero, not a drag queen." he said boarding the plane, referring to Giuliani's liberal stance on wearing dresses and dancing with dirty Puerto Ricans.

Advanced numbers on the amount of a boost this will give the Senator were not given at press time.

Story submitted by covert CIA operative, Lane Johnsonberg, soon to be outed by the Bush Administration for placing the wrong take out order from P.F. Changs.